I have come to, or, better still I am coming to, the acceptance of this harsh reality, surrender is a process it is not achieved in one event or action. Oh!!! sometimes we're are under the illusion that we have to surrender something only to realize that we took it right back. Here is my experience, I have never really surrendered anything until it has brought me the most pain and distress. Surrendering is a choice that we make. We think we are on our own, we are not. "O god you have heard the cry of my heart, because it was you God, who cried out within me" is a great spiritual "bromide," or a gift from one of my masters, Thomas Merton. He has also penned one of the greatest prayers I have had to come to an intimate relationship with over the years of trial, sorrow and failure. "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I don't see the road ahead of me. I do not know for certain where it will end, nor do I really know myself. To think that I am actually doing your will does not mean I am actually doing so. I believe this, the desire to please you does in fact please you. I hope I have that desire in everything I do, I hope I do nothing apart from that desire, and I know this that if I do this You will lead me by the right road, though I may know NOTHING of that at the time. Therefore I will trust you always for though I seem to be in the shadow of death I will not be afraid because I know You will never allow me to face my perils all alone." (Out of Solitude)
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