Home, part 3

I went on a hike and took a struggle with me.  I have found out over the years, that when I have a challenge to face, Joe better take a hike.  On these particular hikes, I seem to get what I need to know not necessarily what I want to know.  Some of the truths that are placed before me, I would much prefer that they had never appeared."  The truth will set you free, but first it will tee you off."  In retrospect, I wish I had not started to reflect again on that opening quote, "Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home."  Out of the blue the following questions popped into my head, Have I found a home on this life's journey?  Am I at home to all that the journey, I prefer hike, has brought, and is bringing to my consciousness?  Am I fully at one, at peace with the reality of the Joe I am constantly discovering?  If I am not at one, at peace, and so at home why not?  

My Gracious Creator would have this wish for me.  That I may have life, and have it to the fullest, but this is not my reality.  After all the years of struggle, I still am not completely at home with who I really am.  I have to keep reminding myself of the fact I will never find real rest, real lasting peace on this journey. ("You have made us for Yourself O Lord, and we will NEVER rest until we rest in YOU.")  I will have temporary glimpses into what it means to be "at rest."  Because of "the changing moods of the human ear," they do not last.  In this struggle to be "at home," I have had to learn the hard way that "home-coming" to who one really is, is a process and not an event.  We are told "Home is where the heart is," and this begs the questions where your heart is, and what really is in your heart?  There is a reality that we are challenged to face, but only on a moment to moment basis.  Thank you God for never deserting me in those moments when I do not feel Your presence, Your gift of faith reveals that a feeling of Your Presence is not necessary for Your actual Presence.  I have been given a human heart with which to deal with my deepest, mysterious reality, "A spiritual being immersed in the human condition."How fickle human nature is, and what mystery lies within the human heart! We are challenged to find our home within this mysterious place we call the human heart."  Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.  Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love, belonging, and joy --the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the power of our light." Brene Brown.