Tears as sacred pearls, to be gifted You have so many pearls to be gifted. None of your tears have been lost

We are led deeper and deeper into places we do not wish to visit.  In oh so many cases the family system of denial, wars against this journey into honesty and reality. The toxic shame paralysis the victim of that shame into extreme denial. Some choose to take this shame to the grave rather than expose the family secret shame.  This is an understanding of suicide I have been exposed to. We need a much deeper understanding of the connection between toxic shame and suicide.  It takes great courage to expose the family shame-full secret because of the inherent consequences.  It is an awe-full shattering experience for the whole family when the toxicity is revealed and the great gift a new way of living is offered.  The operative word here is "offered."  Sad to say the toxicity of shame based living is so often chosen over a life where a new freedom and a new happiness is claimed and celebrated.

This radical change, and I really mean deep radical change not happen unless the three living generations accept, and commit to live a new way of living. What mean, vicious battles are fought in dysfunctional families in defense of the indefensible.  The battle rages while innocent ravaged lives are lost to suicide.  This suicide can be fast as with a rope, a bullet, a car, an intended overdose etc. Or it can be a slow process that takes months and years.  Alcoholism, drug addiction, anorexia, bulimia, work addiction, exercise etc. are the slow way of committing suicide.  Having to face issues of toxic shame in my own life I am so aware of all the useless escape routes that are explored before coming to the acceptance of the radical change necessary to survive. Then one moves from just surviving, mere existing to actually begin to live life, and lives it to the fullest. This journey into life, and living, would be impossible without the support and encouragement of the community of "wounded healers." That is the mysterious workings of grace which transforms wounded wounders  into wounded healers.  We in our powerlessness encounter the power-fullness of a Higher Power...