Hope springs from the depths, part 2

The gift of eternal hope which has been placed in the depths of our being  and can only be encountered by us entering those depths. What has helped and strengthened me over these many years is the constant repetition  of Psalm 130.  "Out of the depths I cry unto You oh Lord, Lord hear my prayer." This is great because one can adjust this prayer to wherever one is at." Out of the depths of my fear, anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, shame, insecurity, powerlessness, or wherever you find yourself,  Lord this is where I need your strengthening and transforming grace," this can be one's choice as well. When we are enjoying the fruits of the Paschal Mystery, and we are experiencing, peace, joy, and love, we can also use these same opening words, "Out of the depths of peace, joy, love, serenity, my feelings of belovedness and acceptance Lord, hear my prayer."  Nowadays I survive on my stash of spiritual bromides I have been collecting over these many, many years.  If you do not have a bromide arsenal at hand, well start one and make sure you are not caught without a defense when "the itty bitty messy committee" attacks. That insidious committee lurks and waits for those moments when we are  weak, seemingly defenseless  and so vulnerable. Today a word has entered our everyday vocabulary, HANGRY, that breaks down to hungry and angry as dangerous places to be in existentially.  In those places, we make unhealthy decisions.  Decisions that results in damaging, or destructive actions. Those on 12 Step journeys will add lonely and tired.

Hope springs from the depths

 So now, as the result of all my travels in these my latter years I have chosen to become an out and out "Hope Punker."  My new avocation challenges me to look back, and share with you all those seemingly endless days of darkness as the place where the star of hope broke through.  A star, as far as we can see from this earth is the source of so very little light.  The light of a star was sufficient, however, to guide those ancient seekers to The Source of Light. (The Light of life entered life in a darkened cave.) As it was with those searchers, so it is with us who are seekers and searchers in a world where there appears to be so little light.  If we are to believe today’s prophets of doom it is getting darker, and darker.  So to counteract their saddening message of doom we have to pray for a different set of lenses, that will constantly be tweaked by grace to see that is only in  darkness that light has its birthing place.  Is it not also true that darkness has it’s origin in light? There is no dawn without darkness.  These two paradoxes will be confronting us our whole life long. My ongoing encounters with paradoxes have resulted in the reluctant letting go of the comfort of the familiar to be guided into the unknown and The Unknowable.

Nothing is Forever, part 2

So then, when we are in a really tough spot and not yet awakened or enlightened, we think  "Well this is it.  This is the end." Woe!! is me. In hindsight, which is always 20/20 what I, at the time, thought were endings were in reality beginnings.  The beginnings of a new and a better way of living.      (My deepest prayer today is, "God help me not to screw up by returning to my old ways of thinking and acting."  "Your will, not mine be done.)  I have come to embrace that in every ending there is hidden the beginnings of something new in every beginning are sown the seeds of it demise.  This is life at its rawest.  Not a very pretty place to be in but an essential reality for those who are chosen to trudge the trails of emerging honesty.  "Life is lived looking forward but understood looking backwards." I am now coming to believe that it was in the darkest of places I survived only through the gracious gift of hope.  

Nothing is Forever

"Joe, things are not looking good, we are really….." was the frequent favorite expression of a fellow Irishman.  As I look back on those not so good and not so great days I can now see in them the place where for me, the rubber really began to really hit the road.  I was forced to grow up and live life on life’s terms.  Not in my illusions was I allowed to dwell, Thank You God, I was forced to enter a new way of acting so I could leave behind my old way of thinking, and journey toward new horizons, by a way I had not a clue about.  In that fear-full place of my encounter with deep realities I was blasted into a place I would never have chosen to be my temporary dwelling place. Wherever we are at, it is always temporary. On our spiritual journey there is "no lasting city " We are always "moving on."  Even our most glorious happy moments, and our deepest darkest encounters with reality were all passing moments. Looking back some of the latter moments were really slow moving.  That slow movement eventually led to ever so slow growth in my daily prayer life. That has changed over time.  I can no longer take it one day at a time, I only can survive and sometimes life, one moment at a time.  Each moment is now a sacramental reality.  It Is where I am confronted with the Paschal Mystery, with all of its  slow ego shattering crucifixions.  These pain-full, fear-full, moments are ALWAYS leading to an ever new enlivening, freeing erupting, bubbling up from  our depths. This is the threshold  to a new and more awe-filled, wonder-filled, exciting life.  Suffering and death are not the end but ever new thresholds over which we have to pass again and again.  We enter our Gethsemane and Calvary realities so as to be led into "new heavens and new earths" way beyond our wildest dreams.  Our Gracious Lover’s love is way beyond our understanding.  We are constantly being surprised.

The "must" of the deep, Part 5

With the deepening of trust came the deepening of faith. With an ever deepening faith that word "must" resonated with a deeper and a more freeing meaning.  It is like, if I want to enjoy that Envy apple I must take a bite and chew on it. That word "must" is now like the bite that is necessary to enjoy what the apple has to offer.  I do not get that from just looking at the apple, I have to bite into the apple.  I so too have to take a bite of the apple of reality so as to enjoy the transforming power that allows me to become a more authentic presence of the living Christ-God. This is after all why I have been chosen to be blessed, broken and given. That word "must" is not as fear-full as it was.  This means that the required inner deepening journey is now more easily embraced. That does not mean there is now no serious struggling going on. When you have neuropathy on top of fibromyalgia there are many, many middle of the night, and early dawn conversations. Our Gethsemane and Calvary encounters do not get any easier as one gets older. On the other hand, Easter Joy and The resurrected freedom do not get dimmer, they increase exponentially in their intensity.  Spiritual maturity does not comes with the years.  Spiritual awareness can only come as the result of saying a struggling "yes" to the invitation to go, deeper." I believe Lord, help my disbelief."