85 +7, Well, the days are moving on, and I am powerless to stop the progress. Powerlessness is becoming more and more a reality I am forced to face, but the process of acceptance is a moment to moment struggle. A struggle which demands great strength, resilience, and acquired toughness.I just thought it would be a great idea to look 👀 up the meaning of that word.
The following is what I got from my iPhone: " struggle; make a forceful or violent effort to get free of restrictions." That is the verb, now for the noun, " a forceful or violent effort to get free or resist attack."
WOW !!! That has really changed the way I now understand "struggle". I was surprised to see the word "violent" in both definitions. This challenges me to rethink the understanding of my journey "through the dark valleys, and high mountaintops ". I have another awakening, in this my golden years, when everything should be settled and a life of no surprises awaits the living. The very opposite is now my challenging experience. "DARN IT". ( That is me being uncharacteristically polite) I have this bone I want to pick with my Gracious Giver. How come when things appear to be settled, and serenity is surprisingly present I am lead into a life of uncertainty, with resulting turmoil, darkness and questioning.
Here are my conclusions from my latest upheaval. It was a given that I was trudging, struggling on " The Road less Traveled"(Scott Peck).Neil Diamond sang many years ago " It is a long long road, with many awaiting turns " and I bought that hook line and sinker. My new awakening has lead to the understanding it is Not a road I am traveling, but a trail, that I am being challenged to slog on, and slog on..... As I travel on roads I can be secure in the fact the road has been faved, and the traveling is smooth most of the time !!!!! One cannot expect that on the trail. The trail forces on to be careful of each step that has to be taken. There are no motorized vehicles on the trail. Their use is forbidden. It is the person, as the person really is, encountering the trail as Mother Nature has shaped it for me, and all my companions. Mother Nature, under the guidance of The Gracious Creative-creating Spirit is constantly creating a newness, so every step must hiked with concentration and awareness, How we are then blessed with an evolving awarenesses of the mystery we are, as we encounter The Mystery in Her glorious Reality !!!!!!
Traveling along on the road is one thing to be experienced, but the struggle to traverse the hiking trails demands the total effort of body, mind, soul, and spirit. ( In the encounter with the challenge I have learned all are mysteriously strengthened.) To make the "forceful effort" to encounter freedom on the challenging trail does indeed demand strength of mind and body. Trail hiking is not for the faint of heart. Oh one can begin one's hiking in the reality, of faint of heat . That will change over time as we are strengthened from the struggle, the violent effort to meet the demands of the existential reality. It is now the the hiker is forced to look beyond where her/his abilities, to the powerlessness of self reliance, and then we are lead to to the place of transformation. We are now forced to look for another gear on which to operate , another Source of help. This Source does not come from the outside, it must be discovered hidden in our depths, where it has always been awaiting us. The Answer to our need , lies the depths of our reality, awaiting us to have the courage to trust that the help, grace we need is ALWAYS being offer, without," condition, restriction, or reservation. " The false self wars against that freeing, transforming, awareness. We are called to live in freedom, not fear, and we mysteriously journey through our fears into intimacy. Please do not short change yourself. How does all this challenge you ? Honestly ?
This quotation from Psalm 130 is what I cry out, from my place of abandonment, desperation, and powerlessness. "Out of the depths I cry to You ,O Lord hear my cry. Let Your ears be attentive to my voice of supplications.." So from the depths of my brokenness, discouragement, powerlessness, fearfulness.... I am reaching out crying out, for your merciful loving help. A dynamic love that will heal me, soothe me, comfort me, strengthen me, protect me, transfigure and transform me. All this does not happen immediately, sad to say, it takes time. I was lucky that early in my childhood my mother made me aware of this discomforting reality, "Joe, the mills of God, grind very slow, but they grind very true." They grind the wheat into the flour essential for a healthy body. We too must be ground into that which will nourish our bodies, and in doing so nourishes, The Body Of Christ. AWE-FULL, AWE-FULL, AWE-FULL.
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