First Sunday of Lent 2024. Guilt.
Last week I set up what was presented to the faith community on their entrance to their home. A few years before a home was built, to house St. Andrew The Apostle Catholic Faith Community. Now on the right side of the sanctuary, that space reserved for Liturgical Art, was to be seen, a wall of large boulders, blocking the entrance of the cave that was used to reveal The Incarnation of The Prodigal Love of our Creator god. As I wrote G.A.R.B.A.GE was spelled out on the boulders.The First Sunday of Lent the large boulder Guilt was removed, and a reflection on the word removed was woven throughout the homily. So we started with G for GUILT.
It is said that our Jewish brethren discovered guilt, but us Catholics perfected it. Sad to say there was a great assist from the Irish monks, beginning around the 7th Century. Guilt, along with fear and shame make up what I like to call,"the toxic trinity". Together and separately they are destructive for anybody seeking to journey towards a healthy spirituality. The following is a quote from John O"Donoghue great book, Eternal echos." Sometimes we feel guilty about things in the past that should hold no guilt for us. Because we feel bad about something, we exaggerate our part in it and retrospectively ascribe more power and freedom than we actually had in the actual situation. When personal guilt in relation to a past event becomes a continuous cloud over our life, we are locked in a mental prison. We have become our own jailers. Although we must not erase your responsibility for the past, when we make our past our jailer we destroy our future."
When I had to face the darkness in my life, my shadow side, and what I now know as my false self, I was taught the difference between guilt and toxic shame Thank You Gracious Spirit. Healthy guilt enables me to say, "I made a mistake. I need to change.I am going in the wrong direction." ( Shame on the other hand wants to tell me this lie, "I am a mistake". It will take many visits to your councilor to deal with toxic shame. There are many messages sent to our depths that in no way reflect our beloved-ness. With toxic shame we are forever making vain efforts to satisfy the insatiable hunger for praise , and approval. we become people pleasers to the detriment of our own health and well-being.) Then we are enabled, through grace, to turn around, and go in the opposite direction. That is what is called conversion, metanoia. We meet that word in The Gospel. The Rabbi Jesus clarion call was, metanoia, a complete change of heart. Easier said than done. Change is first of all very, pain-full. It takes a long time to change. Our true selves knows there must be change, but the false self will fight that change with all the power at its disposal. There is an endless WAR to be fought, to the death.That is why we have Lent every year. Every year we are asked to face the false self and see what are the healthy spiritual practices, habits, we must be open to developing. One of those practices I have worked on, and you will find me hard at work repeating this spiritual bromide every day", Joe I forgive, you ,Joe I forgive, you." 10, 20, 30..... at a time.
There are very few times I have celebrated The Sacrament of Reconciliation, that some where I have not asked the penitent to say, " Mary,John,Jesus, Pat I forgive you." Many times there is serious struggle to be able to utter the words,"I forgive you.' That was me. When I told Mike, my psychologist, "I don't mean it'. He responded repeat those words many many time each day, and eventually their truth will start to become a reality. Then I remembered the following, " I will not think my way into a new way of acting,I will ACT my way into a new way of thinking." I am not blowing smoke when I write these words. I cannot word the words for you. Each person is responsible for their own healthy spiritual practices. Grace is a tsunami during lent, SO, RIDE THE WAVE of grace that is sweeping you up to the shores of dignity and freedom. I used to body surf so I know what it means to "catch a wave !!!"
I now continue John's quote, to be slowly read and reflected upon: " It is such a moment of liberation when you learn to forgive yourself. ( Jesus has said "I have come to bring freedom to the captives'. We are both the captive and the jailer !!!!) Let the burden past guilt go, and walk into a new path of promise and possibility. Self compassion is a wonder-full gift to give yourself. Never reduce the mystery and expanse of your presence to a haunted fixation with something you did or did not do. To learn the art of integrating your facts is to begin a journey of healing on which you will regain your poise, and find new creativity."( It is well named The Sacrament of Reconciliation NOT the Sacrament of obliteration. (Rohr).Know your soul is more immense than any one moment or event of your past.When you allow guilt to fester and reduce you, it has little to do with guilt. The guilt is only an uncomfortable but convenient excuse for your fear of growth."
I was made aware of the following many years ago, and now I pass these word of freedom; " God's mercy is greater than our sins. There is an awareness of sin that does not lead to God but to self- preoccupation. Our temptation is to be so impressed by our sins and failures and so overwhelmed by our lack of generosity that we get stuck in a paralyzing guilt. ( Also called toxic shame.) It is the guilt that says "I am too sinful to deserve God's mercy.' It is the guilt that leads to introspection instead of directing our eyes to God. It is the guilt that has become an idol, and therefore a form of pride. Lent is a time to break down this idol, and direct our attention to our Loving Lord' ( This is long but there is more to come in a few days after you have begun to digest this much. Mercy always heals us, soothes us, comforts us, strengthens us, protects us, then transfigures us and transforms us. RIDE THE WAVE OF Mercy......
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