" My lord,God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you aways though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone." Thomas Merton.
This above prayer has been called Thomas Merton's Prayer of Abandonment. This has been the mainstay of my prayer life for decades. I do not see any changes ahead, why? the journey you and I are on is, not, journey into certainty, it is a journey into uncertainty. As one gets older, and your journey into absolute powerlessness get even more of a challenge one must have some prayers to fall back on. The Historical Jesus facing annihilation had the Psalms to fall back on. A prayer He would have been familiar with, from His youth, now bubbles up from His depths, "My God, my God why have you abandoned me" is Psalm 22. That psalm was familiar to Him, and was His consolation in the time of abandonment. Now what is your prayer of abandonment, to fall back on for those inevitable moments of powerlessness, and desperation? A Lenten project one may say ? Much more lasting and effective than giving up candor, coke, cookies Etc.
This, your personal prayer of surrender will be very slow in coming into consciousness. We start by repetition,repitition, and then, some more repetition. You prayer will slowly send into you depths, and will be there for you. You know The Holy Spirit will be your guide in this encounter with real, reality. As we allow ourselves to be grounded in reality, we are also opening ourselves up to the belief, in all of my reality is, The Reality. All reality perfectly hides and reveals The Presence, Who's strengthening grace comes, always within the sacrament, of the present moment, the now. "Now is the acceptable time, now is the time of salvation" so says Saint Paul. There are other spiritual bromides I am buffered by. I am sure they will come to consciousness in these challenging weeks ahead.
Please pray for me. As the result of many requests I am going to attempt to journey once again, into spiritual G.A.R.B.A.G.E. which stands for guilt, anger,resentment,boredom, anxiety, greed and envy. Many years ago this was The Lenten journey of The Faith Community of Saint Andrew The Apostle, in Chandler Arizona. We began Lent, with the same cave that housed the glorious, mystery laden, Christmas Scene.( I have learned over time the cave can be understood as the symbol of the soul. The Desert Fathers council was,"Go to your cave, and it will reveal all that you need to learn." How could this be true when we now know how primitive these caves were. The caves have evolved over timeout the messages still are taught as we make our dwelling in, silence.)
So far this year I have attempted to connect the cave scene of the revelation of The Incarnation, with the reality of our present lived experience. As time changes so does our understanding of The Crib within has to change. In the present reality The Infant has changed, evolved into a grown man. The connection between the cave at Christmas, and the cave for the Lenten journey came to me on a hike, in South Mountain, Phoenix. Now it is to be used to house, a desert scene. In front of that desert scene has been erected large boulders, each one would have one of the words I first mentioned, engraved into it. One had two. Each week a boulder was removed, and placed within the community. With the coming of Easter Sunday a dramatic change was revealed. As the cave scene has changed, so has the cave, and it's GARBAGE boulders.
You may ask, and rightfully so, if someone stumbled over one of the garbage boulders what was to happen? We would make sure the person was fine. Fine though to reveal the lesson learned from the encounter with garbage. It afforded a real teaching opportunity. What do you think the spiritual lesson was ? Put yourself at St.Andrew's and imagine you hit one of those rather substantial rocks. This can be a Lenten mediation for you. Fast forward to Easter Sunday. The Reality and Power of The Resurrection brings about radical change. What were these radical changes to the desert scene now that the whole wall has been removed ? What was the awe-filled, wonder-fill, mystical scene to be revealed to the community ? The spiritual journey is hard, difficult, and uncertain work. Well, you will have to make the Lenten journey of 2024 to have it revealed to you. Let's us pray for all to have the courage to enter as best they san this season of conversion and change. " Change our hearts, this time". "Out of the depths of my ------- I cry unto you O Lord, Lord, hear my prayer". " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and fro all their distress, He rescues them." 'I believe, help my un/disbelief" The desert is a place of purification, and courtship.' Jesus,The Beloved was driven by the Spirit into the desert ??????
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