Getting away from the noise and busyness of life is both a
blessing and a curse. As long as I am busy I do not have to listen to, or pay
attention to all that bubbles up from within. So much of what bubbles up does
not lead to peace serenity or peace of mind. What bubbles up results in
disquiet and discomfort. It is great to know this is not just my experience alone.
It is shared by all who are exposed to silence and solitude. It was with great
relief that I read, many years ago what Fr. Rohr wrote in his book,
everything belongs that when we enter solitude we have to face our personal
issues of addiction, negativity, fear, and control. Each time one enters
solitude these issues, for me, are always there. I must also admit that it does
not get any easier to face the above issues. My shadow comes to the foreground
and must be embraced and become reconciled with. If the my shadow is not embraced,
made friends with, then I will project the guilt, anger, and resentment to some
unfortunate I meet. All war has its origin within the depths of the human heart.
When I am responding out of fear and anger that is my false self. No matter how
I dress it up prejudice, bigotry, rash judgment, all begin with me and how I
deal with my shadow. The only answer is that I grow in the understanding and
acceptance of reconciliation. Reconciliation is a process darn it!!! I have
found, and do find great difficulty with this process. I want reconciliation
and acceptance, and I want it now. I want everything to be perfect, so I can a
life free of stress and discomfort. This is not going to happen much to the
disgust of my ego centered ego, the false self. If there is going to be peace
and harmony in our time it has to begin with each one's journey into the depths.
Nothing will happen until we make that journey. If we do not choose to make it,
then life will force us to make it.
"Lord make me an instrument of Your
peace" but first lead me to that place of peace where You dwell in a Love
Community of Father, Son and Spirit. Gift me with the grace to love all that I
fear and detest. Strengthen my faith that it is in those places I recoil from Your
Compassionate Love, and mercy will be revealed. Give me then, the courage to
carry this gospel to those who have not heard it, and if they have have found
it difficult to believe. It is so hard at times to really believe in Your
Infinite mercy-full love. "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin
with me." Why have you not made it so? I guess the journey continues!!!
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