I was born into the pre-Vatican church. Ordained in 1963, just as we were in the process of assimilating and adjusting to what the reforms were meant for our, day to day living. Here we are over 50 years later and we still have not come to grips the intentions of the council fathers. To be brutally honest, in the words of John XX 111rd , he was aware of the opposition in the Vatican from his closest advisers. Our prophetic Pope Francis is still wilt the present day opponents. The Holy Spirit does NOT make mistakes. Because what is being proposed challenges our issues of control does not make them wrong. No matter how much money is used to make the vitriolic opposition, somehow palatable. As it was with Pope John, so it is, with Francis today.
I was formed in the environment go guilt, fear and shame. I now refer to those death dealing, life suffocating realities as, " the toxic trinity'. Once immersed, it takes so much effort to let go of their lies and believe in the truth, a truth that "set us free'". Free to enjoy the life of, beloved daughter/son. A love that cannot be withdrawn fro us. We cannot loose "the prodigal, mercy-fullness " that is once gifted cannot be revoked. I have loved to following quote from Henri Nouwen from it's reading. " God's mercy is greater than our sins. There is an awareness of sin that does not lead to God, but to self preoccupation. Our temptation is to be so impressed with our sins and shortcomings that we get caught up in a paralyzing guilt. ( That is what we call toxic shame. Guilt is,I made a mistake. Shame is, I am a mistake).
Take it from me, and my long journey to the a life that is somewhat free of toxic shame, but not entirely free of the dehumanizing effects of the toxic trinity. I have to accept I never will be free of toxic shame, so I can embrace the energizing effects of healthy shame that leads to a life lived in the freedom of being, beloved son.) It is the guilt that says my sins are too big for God's mercy, which is pride. It is that guilt which has erroneously has made an idol out of my sins.". How long I have worshipped at that altar. Paying lips service to an destructive idol, all the while denying myself real freedom. A freedom that will lead to a love that is unconditioned ,unlimited, and unrestricted. " Religiosity is for those who are afraid of gong to hell. Spirituality is for this who have been to hell." Sadly to say the embracing of a spirituality that is freeing is not a walk in the park. I have had to journey through many dark valleys so as be bathed in the amazing experience of the mountain of Transfiguration. ( This is a good place to rest, if only temporarily )
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