Rousseau said, "Man was born free and everywhere I look
I see him chained." Resentment is a
destroyer of individual lives and family ties.
We are told what hurts a relationship is not what is on the table, it is
under the table. Resentment not dealt
with grows and festers over the years.
It infects, affects and ultimately destroys so, many relationships. Rightly, does O'Donohue call it a
canker. That is why the "R" of
Garbage is resentment. It could also be
rebellious, but that is a whole different blog.
Resentment can and does destroy our own lives, our
relationships, our marriages and our ability to "have life and have it to
the fullest." Let us then begin to
look at our lives through the eyes of a health love which is patient and kind,
takes no offense and is not resentful.
Let us look at ourselves and our lives through the eye of God's love
which frees us to be ourselves, free, authentic, human beings. This is a perpetual, personal process
demanding we treat ourselves with love, respect and forgiveness. The change which results from this will allow
us to have healthy boundaries. The downside
of this which really is a gift to yourself is you will be giving resentments,
not getting resentments. How much
resentment builds up when we do not treat ourselves with love, respect and
forgiveness? You will find opposition to
your new way of thinking and your new way of living.
Resentments are burdens we don’t need to carry; we don’t
have to carry. Let us again remind
ourselves of what St. Paul writes in his epistle to the Corinthians, "love
is patient, love is kind. Love takes no
offense and is not resentful." Let us journey inside of ourselves and see
what events and areas of our lives in which we feel resentful. In what things have we not forgiveness
ourselves? What is the area that we are
still growing in reconciliation? Because
we are human beings in the process of becoming fully human with all of the subtleties
of what it means to be human.
"Resentment is the poison of the spiritual life. The word means, literally "feeling
again," in the sense of "feeling backward." The emphasis is on the a clinging to the
past, a harping on it that becomes mired in it. Resentment goes over and over
an old injury. Revisiting the hurt, the
powerlessness, the rage, the fear, the feeling of being wronged. Scraping the scab off the wound, resentment
relishes anew its pain. It is the
particular kind of memory that reinforces the vision of self-as-victim. Resentment is the refusal, out of fear, to
cross the bridge of sadness and let ourselves back into the impermanent world
of relationship. Anger as resentment refuses
relationships, slashing at everything and everyone that comes close. But our pain can be healed only by some kind
of closeness, some kind of connection with others. Sadness opens us to the need for unity and
community. (The Spirituality of
Imperfection by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham).
"Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless
cycle of resentment and retaliation."
Someone, else wrote, "Those who are free of resentful thoughts
surely find peace." So then
continue the Feeling work. Do your
writing and burning. May you come to
peace and acceptance this Lenten season.
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