The…Trudge…To…Freedom…Is…Not…Free

Dawn carries with it a great sense of excitement. An excitement stemming from the coming, promised , guaranteed encounter  with the mystery of The Unknown, and The Unknowable. This encounter will take place in each and every moment we are allowed to draw breath. This will take place in the familiar, and the unfamiliar. We will not be able to schedule this encounter with Mystery. Mystery is revealed in "a time " that is beyond our ability to control. Oh how we as human beings want so desperately to be in control. We want to know the when, the where, and the how. The sad thing is if God does not choose, and God never chooses to fulfill our limited expectations, then we come to the conclusion there must be no God. The God of our narrow understanding, restricted, imprisoned is an idol. Idols cannot can have existence, and do not, nor cannot give life. To believe otherwise is a lie. How many unfortunately do believe in that lie, and as a consequence live lifeless lives. The idols we construct cannot enhance life, they only have the power to destroy life. Idols of our ego's construct do not possess the power to transfigure or transform. Worshiping at their altars always end in destruction and annihilation. This wisdom comes to us the hard way. This  wisdom comes after we foolishly spend many, many, years of seeking The Mystery in the places under our control and direction. Our desire for  control and The Freedom, that Is Mystery are mutually exclusive.  

 

In our 30's we are confronted with a side of ourselves that we much prefer to deny, or at least to ignore. The limitations of our broken humanity become a very stark, naked, reality. So much of what was once hidden, denied, buried now  appears front and center and does not want to go away.  Hence our shadow self, becomes a deeper reality. When we deny our shadow side we endanger  healthy spiritual  growth. The healthier practice is to bring all that we are ashamed of, feel guilty about, to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Within the celebration we ask for the gift of honesty so there can be an unveiling of all that is so disconcerting, troublesome, and even frightening. We are all "perfectly imperfect" and we will never become perfect in the acceptance of said reality, of said human condition. Eventually we have to accept the truth as enunciated by Fr.Rohr when he points out that in our 30s we have to face the the fact that "all our plans have come up short." He goes on to say, we find, and consequently have to accept that we not the best at anything. We  are not the best wife, husband, son, daughter, employer, employee.  You may now add to this list the shortcomings you much prefer to hide, to deny...That list can be very long???  It will get longer as we grow in honesty with who we are. Our deepest reality, being spiritual beings immersed, enfleshed in the human condition will provide endless additions to our disturbing lists.

 

However, there is good news. The Mercy of our Gracious Father became incarnate in the flesh of The God-Man, Jesus Christ. We were recently reminded that He emptied Himself of His Divinity so to take on our broken humanity and all its sinfulness. He, by The mystery of The Incarnation, entered into our alienation from His and our Father. He came to reveal the wonder-full, mysterious mercy-full love, grace that is being offered to us in each, and every moment we are in existence.  Our existence speaks to us of God's dwelling within us.  It guarantees us of our presence in the mind of Presence Itself.  Were it possible, and it is not, for God to forget us we would go poof and disappear. The fact that He lives and moves within our being, guarantees us existence, not life. We are responsible  for the quality of life we live. The quality of that life is not decided for us, we are responsible for that ourselves. Of late when a person says to me as I leave their presence, "Have A good day" I now say thank you, and if "I do not it will be my own fault" Almost 100% of the time we have a great laugh. However, this is NO laughing  matter. This is serious stuff.

 

I have found out I am not the only one who has struggled and still struggles with the whole issue of taking responsibility for my own happiness. I cannot transfer that responsibility on to anyone, or anything else.  I have done it, and have learned, and am still learning this hard fact, IT DOES NOT WORK.  Being codependent is an every moment challenge of looking deep within, not without, for the source of happiness.  Will I be ever cured?  Of course not. I have wounds that will never cured, they must be cared for.(Moore)  So we will always be susceptible to shame attacks. Those attacks can lead to one looking outside for validation, rather than believing in his own innate goodness. Once we have been abused, whether, physical, spiritual, sexual or psychological there is a propensity to look outside rather than inside for the source of joy and happiness. For those of us who have been abused the inner journey is tough. The last place we want to look for that which will make the journey less of a trudge, is the last place we visit.

 

Those of us who have been victims of abuse are toxically shamed. That is we have lost, our "right to love, to be loved, (to be the beloved).  This right to be the beloved which is an essential foundation for  all healthy relationships. Once a victim always a victim until one make the decision to become a survivor. That is NOT a decision  one makes once forever . This commitment to oneself has to be repeated over and over, many times a day.  Remember one does not think one's way into a new way of acting, we act our way into a new way of thinking. This is a very slow and pain-full process. However, being faithful to a healthy way of living change does happen, but Not according to our expectations.  (Now where have you heard that before ???)  We cannot plan out what our recovery will look like.  In broad strokes there "will be a new happiness, and a new freedom. " Our understanding of happiness and freedom come from The Infinite one so the change will be endless. I can honestly share with you that it can and does happen. You can, as Baretta used say, "take that to the bank."  All this change  happens in the darkness of the inner journey, in the darkened depths of who we are. Since we are wounded in the depths of our being, it is there the healing must begin.  It is from those depths the healing waves of grace bubble up.  A Light will shine to slowly illuminate that inner darkness, and reveal secret treasures. Will this be an easy ride?  Of course not. Anything that comes easy is no good. All that has come to us that has lasting Value is the result of serious and pain-full struggle.  There will be interruptions, and distractions.  There will be the temptation to quit when we are faced with serious difficulties. These difficulties out of necessity have to happen before we move on to new freedoms and new happinesses. For this new creation of grace to appear the old must disappear.  What turmoil that triggers within the depths of who we are.  We will have to face the fear of losing everything that is most dear to us. We face death. We feel like we are losing all control, and we are. We are led by grace to surrender, as we have never surrendered before, to this new life that has mysteriously become a new way of living.  This will happen through the action of grace, through the mysterious, unseen, incomprehensible, action of grace.  Through these experiences we will come to know what; The Dark night of the Soul, and what the Dark night of the Senses is all about. As this too, is the workings of grace.  It is not for us to know how this works, that is ego, it is enough for us to know that it does work.

 

  I am then responsible for my own happiness, and the recognition of Joy in my life.  (One is about having; the other is about being.)  I am confronted with this hard fact, I cannot, as much as I want to, delegate That  responsibility  to somebody else, or to something else. That was not easy to accept. I still on a very regular basis, have to shake Joe up and remind him that no person, whatever their status may be, has the power, unless I surrender said power, to decide for me who I am as beloved son of a Gracious, Ever Prodigal, Father God.  I am growing in awareness, and acceptance that one has to know the hell of the prisons of guilt, fear and shame in order to relish the freedom that comes with choosing to live and not just exist."  The glory of God is the human person fully alive."    (St. Irenaeus)  My happiness, serenity, peace of mind depends on how I honestly answer this question, "Am I a victim or am I a survivor?" In each and every moment we are gifted to live the quality of my life which will depend on my lived answer. For that I am responsible.

 

                                               

 

The...Continuing...LIGHT...

     Light comes and goes. Now we see it, now we don't. What a display of fireworks greeted the new year? We still have a vague memory of the awe inspiring fireworks display in Sochi. But what is our memory of The Light, Whose appearance we celebrated just a few short weeks ago? Compared to The Light, all other lights are like comparing  the flickering light of a  candle to the  dazzlingly brilliant, blinding  light of the sun. That comparison falls so short of the reality. We have the same problem when we want to speak of The Light, whose entrance into our world we celebrated, in faith-filled prayer-filled celebrations. What has been, left us with now that The Epiphany is only a memory, and a vague one at that or is it still lighting our way??? What is our understanding now of that great feast of which The Season of Christmas is seen as a "bridge toward?" Where is That Light leading us to, or have we out of fear substituted, substitute lights? Are we now leading lives of greater freedom, or are we enclosed in the security of our self-made prisons? Have we become the victims of accepted behavior rather than the right behavior? Have we allowed ourselves to camouflage our true reality, and surrender our freedom to the hellish practice of people pleasing? What a price we pay for that so readily accepted behavior??? The truth WILL set us free. We in turn will draw others, indeed may force them, into the freeing light, and the safety of the real truth. Illusion is a very lonely place to dwell in. Merton has this warning for you and I: "If I allow myself to degenerate into the being I am imagined to be by other men, God will have to say to me, "I know you not." Prayer from the gut works. It comes the reality God knows and sustains in existence.

            Here is a little something to practice. Before you answer a phone call, respond to an email, or any other communication requiring you to do something, say the following at least 10-20 times:" I release the need I have to be admired." You will be doing a quarter of what you are doing now. Your ego will not like it. You will not be caught up in doing. The true self that will emerge from this practice will enjoy an inner-peace and a sense of well-being that cannot be bought. This is priceless. What do you pay, NOTHING. It cannot be bought. It is pure gift. Yet there are so few who are prepared to do that nothing, which will bestow upon them everything that they need. In the long run it comes down to our trust in the essential goodness of our Prodigal Lover.

 

         Our inner-truth is hard to face. Our inner-reality we much prefer to either hide or deny. We want to keep ourselves in darkness rather than risk exposing ourselves to the piercing light of the truth. Yet there can be no spiritual journey unless we are prepared to be led into the depths of who we are. Oh how often I have wished this was not so. Thank God, the journey into a healthy honesty is progressive. We will never have absolute honesty. The goal is to be as honest as one can be in this present moment. Whatever bubbles up will not overcome us. Since God, Higher Power, Savior, is present in fullness we will have what we need to face that which left to ourselves we could not deal with. We have that great certainty that nothing will be revealed that God, Higher Power, Great Spirit and we cannot face and deal with. We will NEVER be tested beyond our strength.(Paul). So when we journey within, we will encounter our innate poverty stemming from our broken humanity. We will encounter a hungry, naked, homeless, wandering, stranger that is in  desperate need of food, shelter, clothing, a comforting home. After the initial shock, the initial desire to reject, something happens. How it happens is none of our business. We are in the mysterious realm of Grace. We are not in the business of understanding, an ego trip, we are drawn to a slow gradual acceptance. An acceptance that will be given, as a gift, to each one of us in a unique way. This gift appears as we, not only encounter, but journey with, as of now, the frightening stranger.

            The gifts we are given, are of necessity, given to be given away. If they are not given away they disappear. "Whatever we keep for ourselves we lose, whatever we give away we keep," This is the danger we have to face. Now we can read, listen to, and eventually hear the words of the prophet Isaiah as he relays to us this command from our God: "Share your bread with the hungry, shelter the homeless; clothe the naked when you see them, and do not turn your back on your own. Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your wound shall be quickly healed." What a great promise is contained in those words. Our wounds will be quickly healed as we make that inner journey of discovery and encounter. As the healing power of Grace-full mercy slowly works, and believe me it is slow, we get an inkling of what is to come. We are now more ready to meet the  stranger and are not afraid. Why? May I suggest it is because we have met another, stranger. We have met, and are continuing to encounter  the inner stranger. From that encounter and the continuous deepening conversation, through grace, a sense of welcome and hospitality is now replacing the old fear. The life of, and the workings of grace is a mystery. Then we slowly realize "The place of the wound, becomes the place of the gift. The greater the wound the greater the gift." WOW!

 

                   As we are again clothed with the dignity of being the beloved daughter/son, we recognize more readily the innate goodness of all people, and all of creation. That part of us that we once oppressed is now sensitive to others who are the victims of oppression. They are to be called to the freedom that is theirs because of their belovedness. Belovedness can never be taken away. It can at times be denied but never surrendered. Why? It is not ours to surrender. This is God's gift over which we have NO control. All we can do is surrender to the embrace of The Prodigal God, Who is our Beloved, and is revealed to, by The Light. There is a process to that surrender. I/we do not surrender once forever. Nothing in the spiritual life is done once forever. When I found that out, the hard way, I was, and still am a very unhappy camper. Then acceptance is a process, not an event. This, however, is a reality I do not have to like, just accept. So easy to say, or write, yet so difficult in practice.

 

                            

 

A...Reason...For...The...Returning...!!!

               How often have we heard the following exhortation, challenge, "Will you take a look at that, and tell me what you see." I do not like that. I am always afraid that I will not see what I am expected to see. I am afraid that there will be something I will miss that is right there, very obvious, and I missed it. I am very slow to take that challenge. Does the fear of making mistakes ever go away?  Right now on Facebook there are a number of photos for one to view, to look at. Then in the photo, there is a reality hidden for one to discover. This discovery is not easy. It takes real effort to see what is hidden. After some looking, one begins to see what one is supposed to see. It is frustrating to look back and realize what was once hidden from merely "looking" is now revealed when one really sees. (Thank you Laura M. for the posting, and the challenge.)

                   This is a great introduction for this week's effort. Is it not amazing, wonder-full, awe-full, that which can lead us deeper, appears out of the "ordinary," out of the familiar? That is why nothing that is really real, is ordinary, all is sacred. All reality is holy, why? Because The Mystery, God is always revealed and hidden in the so called ordinary. We can never solve the mystery, all we can do is respond to the invitation "to draw near. "However, before there is the willingness to draw near, we will have to face real fear.  Fear is the door through which we all have to pass through on the way to intimacy, to union…Our "Yes" to the invitation does not carry with it a guarantee of an easy journey. On  the contrary, our "Yes" will take us along a path we do not know, to a place we do not know, which is the real journey of faith. Even after all these years, my ego has not gotten used to that journey into uncertainty. In other words, there has never been complete surrender, only partial. That partial surrender, I am sad to say, comes only after real intense pain. It is in that pain one is brought, led, guided, fighting every step of the way, to the prayer of surrender. "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord, Lord hear my cry."  Life brings us again, and, again to this awe-full, pain-full, mysterious place and we discover it always anew. It seems like, looks like, the same but always a new transforming experience.

               I am beginning to see the wisdom of the church in her bringing us again and again, through Advent to the mystery revealed in The Christmas-Epiphany season. Here is what Karl Rahner wrote: "The mystery of the (the Incarnation) is inexhaustible, and compared with it most of the other things we talk about are relatively insignificant. The truth of the faith can be preserved only by doing a theology of Jesus Christ, and by redoing it over and over again. For it is true here, too that only he/she possesses the past who has recaptured it as his/her own present." I guess we can say we return again, and again to Bethlehem, not just to look, but to see, through the eyes of an ever evolving faith in which the shepherds saw. They not only saw, but "they understood" what  was revealed to them by the angels. We, as the result of on our ongoing pondering, will return again not just to look, but to see who we are as the result of The Word, the Second Person of The Blessed Trinity entering the reality we human beings are exposed to, and challenged to live in. Not just "exist in" but actually find life, and the fullness of life within this broken, wounded, perfectly imperfect humanity. The same humanity that Jesus, who became The Christ, was enfleshed in. The more we discover "The Shepherds" within ourselves the more willing we are to "hurry" with them to not just look at The Infant Savior, but we will gradually grow in the seeing, and understanding of The Incarnation. All this is the action of The Spirit. That same Spirit Who brought about the enfleshment of Jesus in the womb of Mary, is the same Spirit that will work the same miracle in the depths of the womb of the soul. What does that say about the dignity of each person, and God's faith and confidence in each one of His creatures? We are invited to return with reverence have again, and again so we can be led to an ever deeper understanding of what we see, and Who it is we see.

                     No matter how long we ponder, no matter how often we enter the mystery of The Incarnation our questions will never be answered fully. That again, is the nature of sacred mysteries. There are no lasting answers, only enough is given to draw us ever deeper into a new question concerning, The Absolute Mystery, God. We must always remember this will not be a path of our making. We are told we journey to The Unknown by unknown paths. We are told that is the journey of real faith, and my ego wants no part of that. I want certainty, but that is not faith. When I think I have all the answers I am in a real bad place. Pope Francis is so honest about that. He, however, is only reminding us about an essential truth of the spiritual journey. This is a journey in deep, raw, naked fear, resulting in a new understanding of who we are in the plan, and love of God. "Faith leads to understanding," so wrote St. Augustine. Not understanding leads to faith. Faith is a gift, freely given. We must  take very seriously this fact, this reality, faith is a virtue, a good habit. Habits do not happen. They must be developed, just like muscles in our bodies. Unless we  develop the good habit, virtue, or exercise the muscles of our bodies they atrophy and lose strength. This will eventually lead to death. Our faith needs exercise as well. So we are invited to hike, walk to Bethlehem, to Egypt, to Nazareth, to Jerusalem, to Calvary, to the Mt. of The Ascension, so we will be ready for the Descent of The Holy Spirit. The Spirit always gifts us with what we need in the place we are.

                       See how seriously we take physical exercise!!! There are 60,000,000 hikers in the U.S.A., count all those who go to gyms, run the streets, bike the highways and byways and one will see that we take  physical exercise very seriously. But how about the exercise of our spiritual muscles? What is the plan we have developed to perform spiritual exercises? I see on Facebook how proud people of some physical achievement that they were able to measure by some metric. There is no metric that tell us how we are growing spiritually. On the contrary, we are NOT to place a thermometer in the soul. Our egos want to have something to show, as if we were doing something ourselves. Wow when that happens were are in for a serious tumble. We will have to deal with serious failures, and hardships through which the ego is brought down a few notches. The ultimate destiny is for the ego to disappear so the real self, the true self can surface. That is a great ego boost, but what about the, we too must exercise the good habit of seeing and allowing new beliefs to surface from within. All we ever want is deep within, where the Trinity has made Their home.

                  

 

The…INCARNATION…IN...ORDINARY TIME

      We have now entered Ordinary Time, in the liturgical calendar, I guess one could say, in Kairos time. I must remind myself, "Joe this is your first time on this hike so be on the watch, be vigilant for the newnesses, the unforeseen, the unpredictable." In other words be alert for the advent of God. (We have Advent EVERY moment of every day. This is the reason for one to be alert.) This hike, through the various and challenging landscapes will stretch for 34 weeks. In chronos time this seems like ages but not so if one is dealing with The Infinite. For The Infinite, a thousand years is just like a day, so then, we are always adjusting to God's time, Kairos. God came to exist in time, yet transcends time. The entrance of The Infinite Word into the fleshliness of our humanity forever changes how we see all of reality. "By reason of creation, and still more by reason of The Incarnation, there is nothing profane for those who know how to see."(Chardin) These are words that offer us a great challenge, yet always contain a promise of something beyond that which we now see. The Word came to make His dwelling with all of His own creation. This is the very same Word, Who  created and now maintains all creation in an ongoing creative reality. We have been chosen, from eternity to be co-creators and co-perfectors of this ongoing creation. The Creator came and "pitched His tent" within the family of humankind. In having just a tent, He can move whenever and wherever. He is not boxed in, and can never be. We are told when we follow our natural human instincts and attempt to box God into a neat package, which we control, we are boxing in, a dead god, not The Living God. This Living God, which The Incarnation slowly reveals to us, exists beyond time and space, yet He has embraced the human condition to the point of extreme suffering, and death. For what purpose?

                   WE are told that "we live life looking forward, but understand it looking backward." How seldom do we ever get the full meaning of what is happening to us in the awe-full, wonder-full  sacrament of the present moment? Because it is a sacrament, with a small "s," it is of its nature sacred, no matter how profane (not sacred) we may think it is. What appears to be so "common," ordinary, "boring" "lifeless," "familiar" seen through the x-ray eye of faith is, in its DEEPEST reality, a revelation of This Living God. The living God, we are always seeking and searching for, as the result of Him already having found us. In time it will come to us that which is most taken for granted, is in reality The Transcendent's  way of reaching out to connect with us. We are slowly, through the process we call our journey of faith brought to the belief  that ,"He is all in all. " Nothing exists unless it finds its source of  existence in The Creative Word. Everything that exists  is used to hide and reveal The One Who is the subject of our endless seeking and searching. The ordinary is therefore, not ordinary but always extraordinary.  Always containing, beneath its apparent " blahness, " lies the buried treasure, the pearl of great price, about which the scriptures have much to say to us. What do we need to do? Follow the example of Mary, who is presented to us as the example of what a disciple is to be. We will all fall short of Mary, because she by her Immaculate Conception was never tainted by the effects of original sin. That did not come to her, as a freebie. This grace had to be won for her by her Son's death on the cross.

                       So, then, let us go back to Bethlehem and the visit of the shepherds to The Infant, newly born. I wonder what was Mary thinking, when she and Joseph saw the shepherds approaching? Were they hoping they were going to pass by, and not bother them. What could these uncouth, unwashed, strange men, who were looked on as being  outside the law, have to say to them? How surprised were they when these unlearned strange ones, spoke of their experience with the angels? How terrified they were? Mary could nod her head in agreement when they spoke of the fear that came with the appearance of angels. "Wow!! I was afraid with the appearance of one, what overwhelming fear must  be triggered by "a host of angels?" By the way I was told This Child would have the throne of David, this sure is no palace?" Was I really told the truth, or, was  I deceived? From the purely human standpoint I believe that Mary is one of the most deceived persons in the scriptures. She was promised so much and outwardly received so little.  Yet Mary from her first "Yes," her first "fiat" to her last breath, she was to remain ever faithful to the journey she committed herself to. That original Yes lead to so many other challenging fiats, she never faltered. Questioned Yes! Do you remember when Mary and the family went to get The Rabbi Jesus to take Him home because they thought He had lost it? The anguishes of Mary, how deep they went yet the scriptures are so silent, for the most part.

                             What kept Mary going? Do we get a clue from the scriptures when it tells us that "Mary treasured all these things and pondered on them in her heart." She treasured in her heart  and pondered  in her mind the good news trumpeted by the angels, and relayed to her and others by the shepherds.  All were amazed when they heard the good news, in other words, when they heard the gospel. How amazed were we, and how amazed are we right now at the gospel of the shepherds? As Advent-Christmas-Epiphany passes and there is nothing  that we are aware of left on the shores of our souls from this grace-filled wave that has just enveloped and showered us? What are the  new insights into what it means to be human? Are we growing in our belief in the sacramentality of all that is? What does it mean that we have been chosen, from eternity, to carry on The Mystery of The Incarnation within our bodies and reveal, proclaim it ,ever new, through the joy of our daily living?  The Glory of God, that glory revealed in The Christ Child, is today revealed in the human person that is fully alive. (St. Irenaeus) The cribs have disappeared from our homes and churches. They have not disappeared from our world. The crib must now to be found alive within the reality of our human journey. All those crib figures are they alive,  energizing, vitalizing, challenging us to live anew each and every moment of our daily lives. I remembering reading these challenging words many years ago. "If we do not give birth to the Christ child within, then Mary giving birth was a waste of time."  This spiritual journey is not for those who are looking for, "the easier, softer way." Mary gave birth in a matter of minutes, or hours. We give birth to the Christ Child over our whole lifetime. So all the pain that goes with becoming who we really are, is an essential part of the pain-full process  of becoming the person our Creator knows, and gazes  on us, with infinite love. "You are my beloved daughter/son. In you I am well pleased," are the words constantly, and endlessly spoke to us. Oh! to have the ears to hear, and the eyes to see.

                                 

My...Wish...An...Awe-full...2014

                Yes, my wish for all is that your 2014 may be an awe-full year, not an awesome one. May each and every moment be, what it is intended to be, full of awe, full of Mystery. May this year bring you to the realization that of your essence, you are an awe-full reality. Because of The Mystery being within, we are in the midst of celebrating, "there is nothing profane for her/him who knows how to see." Because of the advent of The Word, into His own creation, the  whole meaning of creation is radically changed.  A dignity, previously hinted at, is now revealed, presented to us, in its mysterious wonder-full-ness. This cannot be achieved with natural sight, so we have been gifted and blessed with the gift of wonder. This gift of The Holy Spirit empowers us  to grow in awe-full awareness of the "grandeur of God," hidden and revealed in all that is in us and surrounds us. The Incarnation, God coming in flesh to pitch His tent among us, confers an inner, invisible dimension of mystery to all that is. "Everything that is, is to be adored" (St. Francis), and in that act of adoration, "new heavens and a new earth," is revealed to us. What a gift that is offered to you and me? A gift which is endless, in its benevolence, in its generosity, because its source is, Infinite Love.

                Just because we are offered a gift, that does not mean we have to accept it. If we accept a gift, it does not mean we have to put that gift to the use it was intended. A decision has to be made by the recipient, which is you and I. We have to decide whether to say "Yes" or "No." In the realm of the spiritual annunciating that "Yes" leads us in ways and to places previously unknown. That is why it is so much safer, and easier on the ego to say, "no." Now I can stay put, in the safety of the familiar. I am not opening myself up to any unnecessary risks. Everyday living is challenging enough. However, this is not living, it is existing. We are called to live life and live it to the fullest. Entering into the fullness of life DEMANDS that we take risks. It demands courage on our part to face the inherent challenge and danger "of living life on life's terms."

                Mary had no clue where her "Yes" was going to take her. We, being the contemporary Marys, do not know where our "yes" to the demands of the present, will lead us to. I am wrong there.  Actually we do know.  All we have to do is read and reflect on the Gospels and there we have the outline of our lives. Living each moment, not just existing in each moment, fills in the details of our personal Gospel. While the outline is the same, the details, the actions will be different as we write our personal Gospel. Each and every action, person, place, event, are gathered into a unity and so become the gospel of, a contemporary Christmas.  We reflect on the Gospels; we are challenged to encounter Mary, Joseph, the angels, the shepherds, the Three Kings, Herod (Yep he must be encountered, if we are to be really real). Within us and the life we live, we will also encounter Judas, The Pharisees, The Scribes, Pontius Pilate, and all those unsavory characters depicted in the events of The Passion.  ALL, yes all, will have to encountered and eventually embraced with a mercy-full, healing, soothing, comforting love.  We are challenged to love the way our Gracious and Prodigal Father-God does.  This sounds impossible, way beyond anything we can do, and so it is. It was apparently impossible for a virgin to conceive, and old woman to also conceive, but it happened. How?  "With God all things are possible," whereas "by ourselves we can do nothing, but we can do all things in Him who strengthens us." The scriptures tell us that our God "lavishes His love" upon us. I like that word "lavish."  There is nothing small, mean, or tightfisted about lavish.  The God of lavishness does not impart the minimum on us, His beloved. On the contrary, because we are the beloved, and ever will be, He fills up our cup, not just to the brim, but to the point of brimming over.  There is nothing small about God.  If my God is small, then that is the result of the smallness of my mind. Big hearted people seem to communicate a larger than life God, as so indeed He/She is.

                Left to our unenlightened, natural hearts, souls, and minds the great deep, mysterious reality of who we are and that which lies deep within, will not come to consciousness. It will remain dormant, unawakened in the unconscious. There it will remain, like all buried treasure waiting to be discovered. Yes, it waits, there  in the darkness of the humus, in the darkness of the earth.  This treasure can only be discovered, through the action of digging, going deep, under the guidance of The Holy Spirit. We are therefore called to journey within into the earthiness of who we are, seeing through the x-ray  eye of faith. This is a long journey.  A journey that will only end at our deaths.  On this journey we will encounter death many, many times, as it were, rehearsals for the final encounter.

                This journey is no quiet stroll in the park, on the contrary.  If Yeats is to be believed, and others concur, "it takes reckless courage to journey into the depths of who we are as human beings." Let us not be caught up in fear about this perilous journey.  There will always be a tiny point of light there to guide us on our way.  We all have our own personal star guiding us to our own personal Bethlehem. As we come to discover The Christ Child within, our lives are radically changed.  We will now journey by new roads, and traverse landscapes hitherto the unknown.  As we journey with new insights, as it were, with this new lenses, we will lead to encounter never before realities. New vistas will open up before us. These vistas will be full of mystery, awe, and wonder.  We will find ourselves lost in the awe-full-ness of  breathless silence.